thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
