Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
