But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
