I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
