im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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