if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
