If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize