I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
