So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
