That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
