Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
