It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
