Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
