This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
