The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
