In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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