eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize