We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
