party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
