I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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