Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
