There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
