I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
