i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
