Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
