Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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