This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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