the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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