My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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