Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
