batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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