I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
