'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
