The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Randomize
