I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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