I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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