**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize