Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
