Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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