When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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