I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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