On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
