as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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