just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
