White coat. Heels.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
