I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
