Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize