He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
