We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
