i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
