the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
