you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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