I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
