Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
