im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize