i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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