Can Purell be used as lube?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
