if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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