Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
