i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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