After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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