I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
