omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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