I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize