sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
